Chapter 72
Brian stayed up most of the night reading articles he found on the net about self-injury. Samantha's basic knowledge had been right on target. He had assumed SI was a rare condition and was amazed to find an estimated three million Americans actually suffered from the disorder in one form or another. Like Sam had said, cutting with razor blades and knives seemed to be the most common form but he was surprised to find many people, especially women used their nails to inflict damage and pain as well. He recalled the episode in Hannah's bathroom a few months back and realized that was exactly what Sasha had done. Many of the articles he read pointed to SI as a result of abuse and a way for the victims to cope with their pain and memories by causing more pain to replace what they are feeling. It didn't make sense to him to cause pain in order to take away pain but he rationalized he had never been abused and didn't know how he would cope if he had been. One theory that intrigued him suggested that often, seeing blood flow is symbolic as an emotional release as well as a release of pain. The article suggested some people used SI for anger management.
By the time he finished reading the information he found, his head was swimming with facts about SI and reasons why people SI. He didn't think any of the scenarios pertained to Sasha though. Sasha was by far one of the most calm and level people he had ever met. She rarely got angry. In fact, he couldn't recall a time when he had seen her more than a little agitated. 'She doesn't really show a lot of emotion though.' He thought. 'She smiles and laughs but I've rarely seen her cry.' Eliminating the anger theory lead him back to the abuse theory, which scared him more than the fact Sasha was an SI at all. Sasha was such a beautiful, caring person. He couldn't comprehend anyone ever wanting to hurt her. 'Oh God!' He thought. 'What if she was raped? Have my actions toward her somehow brought back memories she has tried to forget?'
Brian crawled into bed and lay there plotting what to do next. After all of the research he had done, he didn't fear leaving the kids with Sasha but he did decide he would call Sam and have her check on Sasha, maybe suggest they meet up a couple of times during his time away. He knew Sam would do it and Sasha wouldn't have a problem with the idea either. The big question weighing on his mind was if he should attempt to talk to Sasha about her disorder. Would it push her away if he tried to talk to her? Would it make her angry and cause her to want to injure herself? He didn't know what to do. He drifted into a restless sleep and awoke with a plan to talk to Sasha that he hoped would let her know he cared about her well being and was willing to help her in any way possible.
© 1999-2002 Kendra